The Mary Trifecta

It is a good week to be a Mary and think about Marys, especially if you are a fan of Marys.

First of all, and to be totally self-promting, if you are reading Journey Toward Home: Soul Travel From Advent to Lent, you will notice that my essay Mary/Maryam is today’s reflection. You can order the book from Mustard Seed Associates. It is full of wonderful essays and ideas for honoring the beginning of the year, whether with thoughtful reflections or shared meals (with recipes provided!!).

You can read the original version of my essay Mary/Maryam, which was posted here on maryology in the Spring.

Second, today is the 104th birthday of my sainted grandmother, the first of three Marys in a row in my family and the inaugural member of maryology’s Hall of Marys. My grandmother is celebrating in the great hereafter with a multitude of other Marys, I am sure.

And third (this is the one that makes it a trifecta, if you are counting) at the end of this week we remember the Virgin of Guadelupe, who is one of the most etherial Marys to every appear.

It also seems to be a great time to recycle lots of my previous posts. Enjoy all the Marys this week!

Ninja Puppy

First, she found a stray oval of cardboard in the snack aisle. Then a green twist tie in produce. Somewhere near the cheese section, my 7 year-old had made them into a Ninja Puppy, using my pen to make a sweet face. We had this precious new friend for a mere 10 minutes. Then tragedy struck.

We don’t know what happened. Ninja puppy simply disappeared. We looked everywhere – under the wire shelves, every corner of the grocery cart, even my purse. After retracing the circular path of our cart about 40-eleven times, I was ready to move on. My daughter…not so much.

She started crying. We searched some more. She refused to leave the area where she last saw the puppy. When I finally forced her to come with me her face got red and she began wailing, “Where could my Ninja Puppy be?!” The other shoppers were mystified. I offered her a treat – candy, even! – but the only treat she wanted was her Ninja Puppy. By the time we left she had been in mourning for 20 minutes for a 10-minute handmade friend.

There were shaky sobs all the ride home. Fifteen minutes of sobbing. “It is so unfair. Mommy, it is your fault she is missing! I wish I could live at the grocery store and look for Ninja puppy all day and all night. What if someone stole it from our cart?” Yes, I bet someone looked at our cart and my purse and thought the best thing to take was your toy made from grocery store scraps. That must be it.

When we got home, she added a postscript to her Santa letter, hoping he could help resolve the situation. I sure hope so, there is no other outcome than oblivion for that paper pup.

I have a fantasy that someone will find Ninja Puppy between two bags of chopped kale and recognize her for the treasure she is. Maybe that person will even return her to us after reading the signs my daughter is now making offering a $100 reward . Or, if you don’t want that $50.

The least of these

Today, I was asked to lead a worship service at Trinity Center. And wouldn’t ya know, the Gospel reading for today was Matthew 25 – “just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.”

At communion about 23 people came up, including a trans woman and a woman with two black eyes.

The least of these indeed–you can’t get much more vulnerable than that. I hope they are safe out on the streets tonight.

In defense of goats

What is so bad about goats? Seriously, why do they get such a bad rep? why do they get “scaped”?

I am reflecting on a story that pits goats against sheep. (There are lots of them.)  And, as always, the sheep are the good guys. I don’t have anything against sheep, but what has a goat ever done bad to you?

Evil creatures would never be this fun: IMG_0285

We call our children kids, for goodness sake! It makes me want to write a story where the goats come out on top.

Kids love kids. And vice versa.

Goats make you happy!

Maryam

Persian Mary and Jesus

Yesterday, I met with an interfaith group of women–half Muslim and half Christian– to study Mary/Maryam in the Quran. My participation came as kind of a fluke – another woman in the group had to drop out, so a friend invited me to fill in. But it touches so many things I am interested in that I could not resist. And, you know, Mary. I need no other reason.

I knew that Mary was important in Islam, but our first meeting reminded me just how much. (It’s been more than 20 years since my class with Lamin Sanneh. Mea culpa for forgetting so much!) She is not only the mother of Jesus – a major prophet in Islam – but the only woman mentioned by name in the entire Quran.

Each woman introduced herself to the group by saying what they most admired about Mary, each coming from her own tradition and life experience. Without exception, the Muslim women cited Mary’s chastity and strength as her most admirable qualities. The Christian women had a bit more variety, but tended more towards strength, bravery, and loyalty. Our inspiration is most certainly rooted in our own scriptural traditions.

The stories about Mary have common elements in Islam and Christianity, but they are not the same. Already some differences in belief and tradition are surprising us. Mary lived in the Temple? And gave birth under a date palm tree? Say what?! No, she was a poor woman from a backwater town. And she married a guy named Joseph. Really! You can read what the Quran and the New Testament report about Mary pretty easily on the Internet. But what you won’t get are the individual expressions – verbal and facial expressions – as women meeting face-to-face try to articulate just what it is about Mary that stays with us.

Over the coming weeks, we will read some passages from the Quran and discuss their significance, as well as share our various beliefs about Mary. Those traditions are quite different in some respects, and yet there is something about this long-ago Mary that catches our attention and keeps it. She accepts the unexpected–a pregnancy, a miraculous child, a public life — with grace. Can’t wait to learn more.

The Cost of Discipleship in 21st Century America

There has been a political movement lately claiming to protect religious freedom by allowing people of particular faith traditions to withhold professional, secular services from members of the public if doing so would offend their religious sensibilities. By and large, these efforts are driven by conservative Christians who are trying to maintain an ability to keep their secular professional status quo by making members of the public seek services or employment elsewhere. For instance, some employers want to be exempted from providing adequate health care coverage for employees because some of the covered medical services, such as birth control and abortion, offend them.  Bakers in Arizona and Kansas are lobbying to keep their businesses in tact without having to serve homosexual couples because they oppose marriage equality.

In the halls of government and on the Internet, these issues are being debated as a conflict between freedom of religion and freedom from discrimination. One way or the other, the courts will settle the issues and articulate an interpretation of the Constitutions – US and states –that allow all of us to move forward with a somewhat more settled common expectation of what is acceptable and what is not.

As a person of faith, however, my concern is not for the legal ramifications of this struggle, but for the spiritual ones. What impact will it have on our faith communities if we expect the law not only to protect our freedom of religion, but also to have others pay the price for us to exercise it

In 1937, Dietrich Bonheoffer wrote The Cost of Discipleship, which describes the dangers of “cheap grace,” or the situation in which the church promises believers grace, forgiveness, and sacraments without requiring anything from them. No repentance or discipline or obedience. No discipleship. The epitome of this phenomenon was the sale of indulgencies in Medieval Europe. An indulgence was an exemption from punishment/penance for some types of sin and in late Medieval Europe they could be bought by the wealthy as a type of “sin insurance” or extracted by greedy pardoners or rulers to pay for projects. (Indulgences are not my area of expertise, so pardon me if this definition is a little off. Pun intended.) But Bonheoffer also saw signs of cheap grace in his own day – especially among churches that had been taken over by Nazi sympathizers and conflated political and religious loyalty.

We can see similar examples of cheap grace in our own day. But now, instead of paying for grace out of their own pockets, we see people expecting others to pay that price for them. It is not enough for them to have a personal religious conviction against gay marriage or birth control or a particular government program, they want to ask their customers or patients or other taxpayers to pay the price so that these religious believers don’t have to alter their lives in any way.

Money…or grace?

Now, as a Christian, I can only speak for my own faith tradition, but I have scoured the Bible and can find no instance in which Jesus promised his followers they’d get to keep their job or keep all their money as a benefit of discipleship. In fact, his first followers actually gave up their jobs to follow him. And he famously told a rich man he’d have to give up all he had to gain eternal life. We can argue about how the Constitution balances your right to pursue happiness with your freedom of religion, but there is no argument about how Jesus saw that balance. Discipleship is costly; you will have to give up everything. No one else can take that obligation for you; you must do it yourself.

There have been people throughout the ages who have made these costly sacrifices to honor their faith. Some who object to war on religious grounds will not only avoid military service, but earn low wages to avoid paying taxes that go to the military. People who believe they are obligated to strictly observe the Sabbath don’t ask the NFL to re-schedule games, they simply do not play college or professional sports.

If you are not willing to pay the price of discipleship yourself, it is hypocritical to ask others to make that sacrifice for you – especially since you would almost always be asking it of someone who does not share your particular religious conviction. I am willing to believe that there are people of good will who oppose marriage equality, but Jesus never promised them they’d get to express that belief in a bakery or a photography studio. I know people who don’t think reproductive health coverage should be mandated for businesses, but denying that care is asking others to take the stand for you.

Grace is free – there is nothing you can do to earn it  – but it is not cheap. You can’t buy it and you certainly can’t rack up rewards by charging your beliefs to someone else’s credit card. It requires your own personal effort and sacrifice. Whatever the courts and legislatures decide, the church is in a terrible place if Christians think that the highest demand of their faith is holding others accountable.

 

A guy I met

So, today I met a guy who had some things in common with me or people I know. It was not a comforting experience.

This guy was average height and weight. Polite and kind of quiet. He was disorganized, could not find the papers he needed in his messenger bag. Been there! (About 12 times a day, actually.)

Turns out, this guy also has some pretty common mental health problems. Nothing unusual – depression, anxiety. Been there, too. Do I know anyone who doesn’t have one or the other or both?

And, this guy has recently been hospitalized for his mental health problems. I’ve not had that experience, but I am close to people who have.

Here is where things get uncomfortable: this guy is homeless and penniless. When I met him, he was seeking help to get his prescriptions filled after just being released from the hospital. I started to imagine what the things we had in common would be like if I didn’t have regular health care, a family, a house. I started to imagine people I know who have been hospitalized going home with the meds they need to a safe home and a network of friends and family. And then I imagined them getting out and not having any of that.

There were other people I met today who were trying to get IDs to get a job, or asking for a new pair of shoes, or meeting with a caseworker. These are things that your homeless neighbors do when they are struggling against a mountain of obstacles to climb out of poverty. But what do you do when the urge to climb that mountain is overwhelmed by mental illness?

While I like to think that I can take care of myself, what separates me most from the guy I met today is not what I do to keep myself healthy and safe, but what others do to keep me that way. If I get sick, I have a spouse, a parent, and siblings who will care for me. If I am late getting home, there are a dozen neighbors I can count on to greet my kid at the bus stop. On the few occasions when I have been laid up, there were casseroles and offers to care for my kids and people to run errands and bring flowers.

Even the prayers I get via email and Facebook are more than this guy had. He was utterly alone, devastatingly poor, trying to manage his health with virtually no resources. And he knew it, was nervous about it. How would he get through today? He could barely hold a conversation for the dread.

There is no real way to wrap this post up with a nice lesson learned or happy ending. I don’t know how it ends and I am pretty sure I’ll see another version of it next week. But I do know that in this case, being grateful for what I have doesn’t make me feel any better. Being uncomfortable is an appropriate response to what I know. I am grateful, but no matter how good I’ve got it, there are still too many people out there trying to get through a long, cold night alone in our big, crowded world. Surely, there is enough medicine and friendship and compassion and warmth to spare for them.

Guadalupe

Maryology has been pretty Mary-free lately (other than me, of course) but there can be no better occasion to Mary-up than today. December 12 is the Feast Day of Our Lady of Guadalupe – and on Sunday we remember Mary-the-about-to-be-mother-of-Jesus’ reaction to being told she was pregnant.

What I love about these two visions of Mary is how bold she is. Most of the time, Mary is a quiet statue or painting humbly gazing at the ground. But how did she react at probably the most overwhelming moment of her life? She burst into song! How did she reveal herself to Juan Diego? With out-of-season flowers that made an ornate portrait of her on his cloak.

Virgin of Guadalupe

I’m telling you, this woman is no wallflower. She is flamboyantly faithful and ostentatiously gracious. Which saint appears on more tattoos than Mary? None.

Today, I induct the Virgin of Guadalupe into the Hall of Marys. She’ll be there with Mary of Nazareth, which might be confusing for mere mortals, but I think they will figure it out. Our Lady of Guadalupe has her own amazing place in the life and culture of Mexico and the American Southwest – she is a cultural and religious unifier and, to some, a feminist symbol of power. She is simultaneously plain and radiant, simple and complex, gentle and strong.

She’s not gazing at the ground, she is standing on the moon looking at you. Ave.

Darkness

 

There is a theme that comes up in a lot of Advent and end of year reflections: darkness. Sure enough, here in the northern hemisphere, the days are shorter and darker now. That makes darkness a great metaphor as we prepare for Christmas – Jesus as a light in the darkness, we who have walked in darkness have seen a great light.

A lot of times darkness is a metaphor for ignorance, evil, sin, or death. It is a state from which we must be saved.

But I have been thinking about darkness another way. You know who lives is darkness? Fetuses in the womb. And you know what they are doing in the darkness? Growing and preparing to enter a light-filled world. (Even after they are born their pediatricians will tell you they grow while they are sleeping!)

Light – actual and metaphorical – is good. But we all grew in darkness, it was the only way we got ready for the world of sun and incandescent and fire light we all live in. This got me wondering if seasons of metaphorical darkness might be times of growth as well. What do you think?

Waiting

It is the waiting time of year. Waiting for Christmas. Waiting for presents and presence. Waiting in lines and on the phone. Waiting for lift off.

For me, this time of year is called Advent – the Coming. I wait to celebrate the first coming and anticipate the second coming. It is the time of year that I am counseled – rightly – to slow down, use this waiting time to get ready, to reflect, to notice. At the same time, I think about people who spend most of their lives waiting. The homeless folks I see once a week wait for everything – food, a bed at night, paperwork, transportation, the phone. There are women and men who wait months and years and decades for children that never come. There are people who wait for loved ones to die. For a lot of people, there is nothing novel about slowing down and waiting. Maybe I can learn just by looking around.

Waiting is part of what it means to be human, starting from our origins of making others wait for us to arrive. Almost always, waiting is for the unknown (do you really think you can guarantee what is coming?) but we don’t have to wait alone.